I saw my Grandfather
just after he left
his body still there
but his essence
exhaled through his skin
as though to freedom.
I took comfort
in the quiet
evaporation
like he chose
to be lighter
and quieter than air
and to sometimes
condense -
kaleidoscope jewels on a glass.
When it is my turn
and this jug of flesh
inexplicably pours me out;
I will rise and rise
like him
in wreaths
and mists
to join the faint
vapour trail
of the Milky Way.
Hey… hope you don’t mind answering this. I am doing some work on this poem. I’m wondering whether the reference to the Torii Gate was more confusing than the reference to Shu CHeen Yu or the bark of laughter? It was a list of places where my grandfather’s “essence” might condense. But you only mentioned the Torii Gate so I’m wondering what part of that was distracting?
glad to comment. I felt like saying something but thought I might come across as a busybody 🙂 the three lines after glass jarred: I had no idea what you were talking about; I could have looked up the references but felt I shouldn’t need to. The problem is you need to jettison those three lines or explain them in the poem but that may overloading a light but shadowy poem
Yes. I wondered if that were the case. Your comment makes more sense knowing that it was all three lines. I will continue to play with it but I think you’re right. They may have to go.
Very poignant.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thats a beautiful and special poem. Wonderful work!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! 🙂
LikeLike
a calm and ethereal way of thinking on death; unsure of the Toriii Gate reference though
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh that’s just something I associate with my grandfather.
LikeLiked by 1 person
okay 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey… hope you don’t mind answering this. I am doing some work on this poem. I’m wondering whether the reference to the Torii Gate was more confusing than the reference to Shu CHeen Yu or the bark of laughter? It was a list of places where my grandfather’s “essence” might condense. But you only mentioned the Torii Gate so I’m wondering what part of that was distracting?
LikeLike
glad to comment. I felt like saying something but thought I might come across as a busybody 🙂 the three lines after glass jarred: I had no idea what you were talking about; I could have looked up the references but felt I shouldn’t need to. The problem is you need to jettison those three lines or explain them in the poem but that may overloading a light but shadowy poem
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes. I wondered if that were the case. Your comment makes more sense knowing that it was all three lines. I will continue to play with it but I think you’re right. They may have to go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thank you. I appreciate all honest and constructive feedback.
LikeLike