Hey… hope you don’t mind answering this. I am doing some work on this poem. I’m wondering whether the reference to the Torii Gate was more confusing than the reference to Shu CHeen Yu or the bark of laughter? It was a list of places where my grandfather’s “essence” might condense. But you only mentioned the Torii Gate so I’m wondering what part of that was distracting?
glad to comment. I felt like saying something but thought I might come across as a busybody 🙂 the three lines after glass jarred: I had no idea what you were talking about; I could have looked up the references but felt I shouldn’t need to. The problem is you need to jettison those three lines or explain them in the poem but that may overloading a light but shadowy poem
Yes. I wondered if that were the case. Your comment makes more sense knowing that it was all three lines. I will continue to play with it but I think you’re right. They may have to go.
Very poignant.
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Thank you!
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Thats a beautiful and special poem. Wonderful work!
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Thanks! 🙂
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a calm and ethereal way of thinking on death; unsure of the Toriii Gate reference though
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Oh that’s just something I associate with my grandfather.
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okay 🙂
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Hey… hope you don’t mind answering this. I am doing some work on this poem. I’m wondering whether the reference to the Torii Gate was more confusing than the reference to Shu CHeen Yu or the bark of laughter? It was a list of places where my grandfather’s “essence” might condense. But you only mentioned the Torii Gate so I’m wondering what part of that was distracting?
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glad to comment. I felt like saying something but thought I might come across as a busybody 🙂 the three lines after glass jarred: I had no idea what you were talking about; I could have looked up the references but felt I shouldn’t need to. The problem is you need to jettison those three lines or explain them in the poem but that may overloading a light but shadowy poem
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Yes. I wondered if that were the case. Your comment makes more sense knowing that it was all three lines. I will continue to play with it but I think you’re right. They may have to go.
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And thank you. I appreciate all honest and constructive feedback.
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