
Artwork ‘An Uncommon Vision’ by Nick Reeves
This poem is in response to the EIF Poetry Challenge #15 posed by Ingrid entitled “Ekphrastic” in which we are asked to write a poem “telling the story” in the artwork.
Boarding School Story I know why you cry. The drizzle paints lines like a prison’s bars and the holiday bells measure dread in their tolling. I saw last night the shadow in darkest ivory hewn - its sour breath whispered and its slippers like fish slapped and reeked on the floorboards stinking by my nose where I knelt beside the crack, the Mariana Trench under your door where the whimpers sounded screaming to my ears and where my tears were the stinging salt the seawater I know why you dig fingers into eyeballs – searching out your own depths beyond the dapple of desperate pressed-in colours to blackness while the ravens cry shame shame shame. Your brain stitches squares patching future’s horizon in every shade of smog. And this blanket, this now, this coldest of eiderdowns under which we hide you from I, I from you and we from all the world outside... the secret is safe as a blade in a bracelet leaking red ink - the shadow’s sick flood and seeping, indelible stain
the individual images work brilliantly but how they fit together to form a coherent poem is a puzzle; but perhaps that’s the point ?
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No it’s not. Thank you for the feedback. It makes so much sense to me that I can’t see the disjointedness. I think I rely on you as my sense filter. I will have to rework it.
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I was waiting for other comments to appear so I could get feel for what I was missing, but they didn’t so I went in boots ‘n’ all 🙂
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Lol. Yes. Not much commenting so far. I might unsubmit it from the competition until I have figured out the gaps.
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might be a good idea unless you receive comments that clearly suggest that the poem is understood
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I didn’t find it disjointed and I understood the message loud and clear!
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I really hope you will still enter this! If you want to discuss, drop me an email experimentsinfiction@protonmail.com😊
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I thought that the title was the key to understanding what is going on, but I have been wrong before. Anyway, the images were powerful as John pointed out. I didn’t find it disjointed, though maybe it was just in synch with the way my mind works!🙂 I tip my hat to you for pulling such imagery from that artwork. My efforts are all in my virtual dustbin. Edit it, if you feel the need, but submit and be damned I say!🙂
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Yes… and you’re right. The title is the biggest hint if the poem is too abstract.
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I thought that the abstract poem complemented the abstract image🙂
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There is a certain matchy matchy thing going on. 😉. That parallel had occurred to me. But the subject of my poem is awful but important. I don’t want it lost in abstraction.
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…and that my friend is a very good point!
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Thank you. I appreciate your input. I am very torn.
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go with what people say; it wasn’t the right poem for me; and as Hobbo says, submit and be damned !!
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Gosh. How very emphatic. Or ekphrastic. 😆. I am still undecided. I would like it to be understood. I still have time to ponder it.
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you are understood by other readers; don’t worry 🙂
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