My dark mood reflected in the day gentle currawongs mourn with the crying rain crows pull at the sodden carcase a road-kill rabbit stretched and grey. Gentle currawongs mourn. With the crying rain a background rhythm. Insistent drums. Road-kill rabbit stretched and grey like the dull road and the castigated sky. A background rhythm. Insistent drums. Dead trees in balletic shapes upflung. Like the dull road and in the castigated sky, clouds gilted auburn from tumult within. Dead trees in balletic shapes upflung crows pull at the sodden carcase. Clouds gilted auburn from tumult within - my dark mood reflected in the day.
This is a pantoum written for Peter’s dVerse Challenge – “Coming Full Circle”
Out of the Cave 
pantoumalicious
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Love this! Wonderful!
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Thank you!! 🙂
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Another pantoum for this prompt – marvellous – Great use of the form for a tour through a grey sodden day/mood. I particularly liked ‘Dead trees in balletic shapes upflung’ – such a wonderful verb – and that last stanza just hinting at some lifting of mood – the gilt clouds. Thank you.
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Thank you! For your detailed comment. Most appreciated. 🙂
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love the pattern of the pantoum and the gritty images; the phrase that swept me away was ‘the castigated sky’ —
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Excellent. Glad you liked it. It has been in my notebook for several weeks. At last found a place for it.
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So much visual, visceral, good stuff going on here!
‘Road-kill rabbit stretched and grey
like the dull road and the castigated sky.’
x
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Many thanks! 🙂
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Another one of your amazingly intense but bleak poems. You’ve captured your dark mood so well.
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Thanks. It’s a lovely comment. I think I will put that on my resume. 😉
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Just name your whole anthology that “Intense but bleak”
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😆 I guess Dickens called one of his books Bleak House. I don’t feel like bleak is a great sales word. Should ask Scotty from Marketing. “we’re excited about a bleak Budget this year”.
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I agree it isn’t a great sales word. I’ve heard of that book. I think they made a movie if it.
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More than likely.
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Excellent! So vivid, and currawongs really do sound terribly mournful.
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They do. And I’ve noticed they are particularly vocal in wet weather.
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They must have been very vocal this week! 😀
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Absolutely. 😊
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You pulled off this pantoum well, avoiding monotony by carefully varying the lines to create a scene of darkness and decay with some beautiful highlights. Had to look up ‘currawong’ – you don’t get them round here!
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Thank you. Yes, I think they’re native to Australia. Big black and white birds with beaks like daggers. But not aggressive –
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Your pantoum is atmospheric and appeals to the senses with the currawongs mourning with the crying rain and the ‘sodden carcase’ of the ‘road-kill rabbit stretched and grey’ like the road and the day; the use of caesura and short phrases slows the reading down and stretches it out. I love the use of sound and visual imagery in the lines:
‘A background rhythm. Insistent drums.
Dead trees in balletic shapes upflung.’
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Thank you so much for this very detailed feedback. Very much appreciated! 🙂
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I will be the first to admit that I didn’t even know what a pantoum was even though I have unwittingly written them. What sort of charlatan does that make me! A poet who can’t tell his pants from his pantoum! Also had to look up currawong, so thanks for the education on both fronts!
This is a very downbeat poem for you, but I don’t mean that in any derogatory sense. You captured your grey mood perfectly. I particularly liked the penultimate line.
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Thank you. Well, no doubt you’ll soon be beating the pantoums off everybody! And in Yorksher, to be sure!
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😂😂 A very clever comment, like the pantoum!
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I love the dark imageries that course here; very gothic and it delves into how that mood truly impacts the narrator. Beautifully penned, I always enjoy reading your work.
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Thank you so much. A lovely comment. 💕
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“Dead trees in balletic shapes upflung,” is such a brilliant and apt image!
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Thank you. 💕
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The balletic shake of the dead trees a delicate and enchanting image. Excellent mood setting in this palindrome.
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Huh! Palindrome! It is in a way… if you use the term loosely. Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment.
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Sounds like a storm came on the winds of a bad mood.
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🙂
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Oh I really love how you used this dark mode in the pantoun. It fitted very well since I think that many times darker thoughts runs in circles.
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Thank you. Yes, an acute observation on your part.
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