She suggests
I get it frozen
and we'll plant it
have a ceremony
choose a tree
invite the girls around,
she'll make scones.

It is so left field
my jaw drops and
my mind clamps
on an image
of my flesh
in some box
red and pulverised
and dropping petals 
on it in the hole
and whispering chants
or more likely bad puns
because words are my thing.
I tell her it will be
a mastectotree.
I hope they grow 
in this climate.

But later the petals
are tears
and my throat
is the trunk
and the hole
is the year ahead
dark as a hatch
with all the things
I can't imagine
or do imagine
as a happy-gas dream
that fades
to black.

I won't plant
a piece of me
diseased and butchered
but I will
choose a tree
and nurture it
and I will invite
the girls around
and my precious
family too
and eat her scones
and laugh
because love
is the biggest
thing and 
you can't 
bury that.

26 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. Absolutely incredible. You deserve to take in all the love around you, and I’m adding mine to it. I’d love to send you a few books if you’re in the mood to read during recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. ๐Ÿ’• Your offer is extremely sweet. I have books from my birthday that I haven’t even opened yet. I hope I will read. In the course of normal life I read so little except for blogs. My “self” time in the evenings is mainly devoted to blogging.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh thank you. When you say “send” do you mean electronically? I had a good listen to Mr Bump’s Waxahatchee find last night on Spotify. Very relaxing. Happy for any recommendations.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. a very good opening, draws you in, and then I realize the subject matter; ‘mastectotree’ is such a macabre, punning hybrid of a word; it is the love and nurturing that comes through ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a beautiful poem. You brought tears to my eyes. It is all about love in the end, isn’t it. Very best wishes for Wednesday, my thoughts will be with you.๐Ÿ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a wonderful roller coaster, as others have said. Itโ€™s good you have the strength of your families love and your strong sense of humor (โ€œmastectotreeโ€ ๐Ÿ™‚) to get you through.

    Liked by 1 person

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