squashed between good looks and common sense in some train carriage or other the sway of bodies and hers not like it was not a single portion she’s proud of but rumbled in there with the others anyway a bag of cells, a bag of cells says the train she thinks of that puddle with the mosquito larvae that shifting purple scum riding the breezes six times changing just to feel normal, not even nice and off to job interviews, a smile like dried porridge on her face confidence is stick-on, post it note flaky, the drift of it they don't care, they don't care says the train she's going home now to take off her face wash it down the drain like unserved noodles and stare into the greying glass, last week's toothpaste and the mole above her eye she told that little girl it was her brain coming out just for a laugh time to get off, time to get off says the train out at the station a sardine freed, a feeding frenzy and there's the man who plays his harmonica slid notes and roughed lips and eyes that don't see she fishes in her purse, puts money in his hat longing, just longing to know the thoughts he's hidden under it.
Written for Miz Quickly’s “Some People are Good at Titles” Prompt
brilliant.
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Thank you Mr Bump. Much appreciated.
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Amazing. That title leading into that first line, then all the vivid lines and similes that follow. The smile like dried porridge and washing the makeup off like unserved noodles. Then the last line. I just love this one!
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Thanks JYP. Wonderful feedback greatly appreciated.
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You’ve done yourself proud with this one.
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Thanks, Misky!
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Love the way you frame this between the sound of the train. The contrast of her own thoughts and the imposed togetherness with the other travelers. Fantastic!
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Thank you, Ulle!! Lovely feedback!!
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Your way with words is incredible
Sent from my iPhone
>
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Thank you! 🙂
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You track the rhythm of the train all the way through this and the imagery is terrific. Take a bow, it’s brilliant.
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Thank you!!! 😊
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👍 You are welcome (again)!
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Awesome! And what great imagery. Well done!
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Many thanks!!
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LOve it wormie. My Mum always used to say she had to put her face on before we went out :)_
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