(Rarely has any poem got so far from what I thought I was going to write)
(i) the Greeks married Pandora to temptation blamed her for trouble’s escape a howling mist fattening the sky (ii) one small thing to note Earth veers dangerously around her sun down the pitted Way the galaxy holds its star babies close all the clump and stink jostle her ever over rugged brows and tumble-weed hair Icarus, your wings! (iii) nebula thick it rains grey tears rips in a stone-washed horizon we breathe through myopic lungs a howling mist fattens the sky
Oh, that’s brilliant! I love the mist fattening the sky.
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thanks so much!
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Wonderful. Especially enjoyed the third part.
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Thank you, Bob!!
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A fattened sky: where did that come from? Did you see, or read something? It’s one of those sticky phrases that lingers on and on.
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As far as I know it came from my head. Delivered the way words are sometimes. Like ammonite last week. Goodness knows if it’s a memory or just a freak of the creative process.
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I’d like to think it’s a freak of the creative process.
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Me too!
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the images are stunning; I love ‘the galaxy holds its star babies close’ —
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Thanks so much, John!
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Really excellent!
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thank you so much! I am so relieved people like it. I really wasn’t sure if I’d succeeded after all the drafts I went through. 😀
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I haven’t been able to comment on everything you have posted, but what I’ve read so far is really very good.
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I love when the poem (or story, or lyrics) takes the reins and all you can do is hold on for the ride! This is amazing stuff! Given enough rope, these things find their own paths and they always seem to be the most unique and interesting ones (even the ones that lead to dead-ends). I may be wrong, but I would imagine you had a blast writing this one. 🙂
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I mean, you’re just so good anyway, and then you just get better. I love the “clump and stink”, the “tumbleweed hair” (sound like mine, tbh), and then the exclamation, “Icarus, your wings!” So good.
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This is fabulous. I’m glad you let yourself and the poem get carried away.
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