Written for Ingrid’s dVerse poetics “Visionary Poetry”
we took a tinny (outboard and thongs) but she rowed repetitive arcs fireflies off the oars and the sun beaming straight in to this sodden volcano its mirrored face how we stroked it with our motion something made me want to slip in deep to swim down a shaft of yellow fragments to its broad frayed end among bubbles and eel whiskers until I rose again to her shouts, her shoulders cast outward from the boat pointing like a yard arm to the giant eagle pinions broadcast wider than fishing nets opening its heart sevenfold to the world I was in a bronze coin in which he saw his own blue sky chipped back up ripple shards tossing colour and me under water at the rake end of him talons squared like wrench jaws despicable glory fringes of lake and mind their froth beating chaos on my head NB: thongs, in Australia, are not underwear but are shoes (known as flip flops, I think, in the UK)
I enjoyed the lightness and movement in this poem, which is down to earth in its references – the tinny, outboard and thongs – but so surreal. I especially love the ’fireflies off the oars’ and the ‘shaft of yellow fragments…among bubbles and eel whiskers’, and the ‘fringes of lake and mind / their froth beating / chaos on my head’.
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Thank you Kim!! Such a great derailed comment.
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Quite exceptional writing.
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At the end, when you explained that the thongs were footwear, well, I had to re-read the poem! 😉
There are some lovely phrases here. In fact, “sevenfold to the world” is hovering in my head now. Sounds like the title of a 1970s concept album perhaps?
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😄 it does a bit doesn’t it.
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😂
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Love all the absorbing and wonderful images.
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Your vivid imagery took me along for the ride on this dream journey: thank you!
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Love this boat trip even if it put my English to the test.
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Great imagery, and wonderful dream-like feeling.
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Thanks, Rob!
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That penultimate tercet is fierce, I love it! Despicable glory indeed. I had a dream about a golden eagle about a month ago, very vivid. He came straight at me and I startled awake. He was both magnificent and intimidating!
–Shay
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Thanks Sjay! I so enjoyed your contribition to this prompt about the tricycle and watching the rocket. It’s frustrating not being able to comment!! I read it last night but o read quite a few others too and will need to go back to yours. But I looked aeveral times for a way to comment and was unsuccessful.
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I’m sorry it isn’t letting you comment. Maybe anonymously?
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This is just like the most vivid dream, lucid, dark, and confusing all at once.
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Thanks, Bjorn.
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I like this, it glitters like water on the lake (yellow fragments). It is light too, maybe the idea of feathers and fireflies and the bubbles in the water.
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Thanks so much Jane! A lovely observation!
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xxx
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This is deliciously dark and enticing! 💘💘
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So typical of dreams that are vivid and opaque at once. Like being under water, a fitting metaphor indeed.
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Thank you so much! What a great observation!
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Wonderful writing, Jo.
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Thank you Tracy. It’s a dream I had when I was about 14. It has really stuck with me. I embellished it slightly for the poem but not much.
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Wow. That’s awesome.
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Wonderful dreamy write, Jo!
NB – Thanks for clearing that up 🙂
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😁
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“and the sun
beaming straight in
to this sodden volcano
its mirrored face
how we stroked it
with our motion” – love the image!
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Many thanks!
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